Unfinished MA

The MA is a lot easier to round up as there was much less content on a much shorter course. I did some academic modules and found out that I was capable of academia, and I did find a few interesting concepts and books to read. After going back to see what it was I had gained to take forwards from the MA, I realise that it was the modules that combined theory and practise that had excited me the most, and the others felt a bit closed ended. I did find the academic way of analysing and critiquing (the essay) a bit restrictive and was happy for the modules that allowed some artistic analysis as well.

The one creative module I was able to take part in and had felt like it was going to be most comfortable, was a huge learning moment for me. I had been feeling at a disadvantage compared to some of the other students on the course who it seemed were more familiar with seminars and long reading lists and I was feeling less out of my depth as we approached the haphazard and relaxed manner of an art module for the group project.

I had done four years at art school and was feeling very well prepared for a creative project but I failed to consider that the rest of the class weren’t. Part of the process at art school and on this group module was the ‘crit’ where you present your idea at different stages and get feedback. It’s an invaluable process and lets you test your piece on an audience along the way, but it can sometimes hurt to have your baby criticised and I had forgotten that I must have built up a tolerance for this over my degree.

When it came to other groups crits I noticed that people were quite shy to talk and did what I normally do to get the ball rolling and spoke up. While my concern was that the other groups got something from the crit process, a lot of the other students just heard my lone criticisms and resented it. I offended one woman so much that she was only able to cope with it by leaving the room when I spoke. This dynamic was noticed by the teaching staff who took responsibility for the other students lack of preparedness and tried to convince the others of the value of constructive criticism but me and my autism made a lot of enemies that day and I still remember how much the contempt I was treated with hurt me. I did notice however that many of the students privately contacted me for their opinions after this so while my opinion was valued, I think the public manner of it wasn’t.

I did have a good time with some other students and did find some motivating ideas while I was there. I was introduced to the artist Jonas Staal and his work. I really enjoyed an external module called ‘Decolonising your Research Methods’ and still find its work helpful. I joined a project called Open Book for a time and got to help some incarcerated young men work on their extend projects for university applications. I wrote an essay where I got annoyed at Freud and his concepts. I started reading and still wrestle with The Order of Things by Foucault and The Practise of Everyday Life by De Certaeu. I did a group project that was fun.

I didn’t get to finish my Countermapping project or do either the Individual Project or the Practical Dissertation, the other available creative modules. I also really wanted to take part in the module Memory and Justice in Post-Conflict Societies. I tried reading some of the reading list for this module and found it very difficult emotionally to continue working on it on my own.

And that’s it. It doesn’t seem that much when I write it all down. What an expensive list.